We'd be far less entertained :D

*is intrigued about the book collection*

I don't think war tortoises are canon, but they might be. It's just something that sprang to mind. My boyfriend keeps asking to mount little guns on the backs of my terrapins and race them (because we don't have tortoises yet), but I tell him no. And they're not allowed a rat friend or nunchucks until they spontaneously develop opposable thumbs.